| 112th Year, 23rd Issue | Thursday, January 18, 2001 | Sparta, North Carolina |
I hopped on to a brand new set of bathroom scales Sunday and realized a few things about myself.
First of all, I had trouble reading the scale without bending over, but that was only partially due to my poor eyesight.
The other part? My navel, once mere inches from my spine, has now found its way into my field of view when looking directly down, say, at a bathroom scale.
I also noticed that the little numbers on the scale had surpassed the two century mark for the first time in several months. While measuring several inches over six feet tall allows one to carry a bit more weight than those measuring several inches over four or five feet tall, it still does not preclude the absolute measure of caloric intake.
I got to thinking about it Sunday and realized that I am probably absorbing 5,000 or more calories on the weekends and a much more reasonable amount on the "average" work day. I have also noticed that I tend to stay up later on the weekends, thus end up eating later and sleeping somewhat later.
I usually get up between 5 a.m. and 6 a.m. It isn't that I set the clock, I usually just wake up around that time as my internal alarm clock starts working. Sleeping late to me means getting up after 7 a.m.
After all, that is about an hour or two after I usually get out of bed. I once wrote a poem about how things are always more beautiful in the morning, but we are all too rushed to appreciate it. It had some merit, I suppose. Aren't sunrises just as pretty as sunsets, or maybe even more beautiful?
How many people talk about watching the sun come up? There you go.
Well this time of year, it is very easy. Just be up before 7 a.m. and you can see it come up. It isn't so easy when the time changes back and summer arrives. You have to be up before 6 a.m. to catch it then. Granted it is a bit warmer to be outside watching it, but the winter's sunrises are much more colorful, if you asked me.
Remember my scale and my weight woes? Once upon a time, I was writing about them. That was before I started talking about getting up early.
OK, now that we are back on subject, let me add that I recently went to the grocery store and spent way too much money. You should never go to the store hungry, as everyone knows. I should have stopped off for some unhealthy food and then gone shopping, but I didn't. So, I instead purchased some excellent cheese, pepperoni, nachos and butter popcorn. As if that weren't enough, I also loaded up on all of that on-sale meat, jalapeno olives and Country Bob's to cover it all up with. I eat that stuff on everything.
The problem is that my refrigerator's freezer is very small, leaving me to have some of said food in the refrigeration compartment. Also, since I am single, I end up eating alone quite often. Therefore, I have to be careful not to cook more than I can eat. Instead, I should be careful not to cook more than I should eat. That is a totally different amount. I bought the pork chop family pack and re-froze them in packets of two to four chops. Now, when those are thawed, I have to eat them in a few days or risk having them spoil. That gives me a ready excuse to have a pork binge.
Then I bought an entire London broil, which I know I will cook with potatoes and carrots and onions and then devour in two days. I will do this to keep said meat from spoiling and being wasted, which would in effect starve several Chinese children, or so my mother used to tell me.
Of course, I am sure that is a line they teach them at mother school. I don't waste any food if I can help it. I just threw out a few spoons of leftover sweet potato casserole and I considered having a funeral. On the other hand, if I don't live healthy and exercise, the only funeral that I will likely be holding will be my own.
I started back on my walking regimen and I am now trying to avoid sodas and other evil food groups that will poison me with their sugary goodness.
So, with a little luck and a lot of mental fortification, I should be able to get back into shape. At least my version of shape, less like a pear or a bunch of grapes and more like an apple mixed with a banana. I better go now, because all this talk about fruit is making me hungry again.
Get more tongue in cheek commentary this week's issue of the Alleghany News!
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