Like every other red-blooded (or red-necked) Alleghanian, I was absolutely thrilled to listen as lawnmower engines revved up like V8s and ran at speeds lawnmowers were never intended to go last Thursday night. About 400 or so people came out to watch local and professional racers zoom around the track that several members of the lawnmower race committee, cooperative extension and high school agriculture classes worked most of the day trying to put together.

Mud was over my boots in some places and things were looking a mite dim. But, as things so often do, it worked out fine. I even had an old Craftsman mower that needed an engine job that I could have used. It really is a shame that I couldn't find time to put it together.

I wasn't the only one. A number of folks around here had considered getting it done. I guarantee I also wasn't the only would-be dirt-track hero who was sitting by with a mouth just watering to get into the race - you could see it in their eyes, all glossed over and dreamy-like. If you make a competition involving engines and racing, most men take notice. I think God slipped a little motor oil in our veins when he made us.

At least I can make up for this year's disappointments with just a few twists of the wrench. Now all I have to do is figure out how to rebuild small engines, how to make my lawnmower as fast as Larry McCann's and Dicky McKnight's and how to design a set of brakes that will stop my super-sonic lawn rocket.

Sure I can do that, all I need is a few extra parts. Say, does anyone out there have a jet engine? How about a used swamp-buggy fan? I realize those are illegal in this race, but they might be fun to have anyway.

Can you imagine hitting mach three on a Lawnboy? I could ride by and be at least three or four blocks away before my "yee-haw" caught up to you. You've got to be pretty darn quick to outrun a "yee-haw."

If George Jones had a mower like that, folks wouldn't have laughed at him on the way to the store. Go ahead honey, take my car keys.

After all, a lawnmower is just a little square convertible, isn't it?

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