I'm sorry to report that I'm feeling relatively uninspired this week. Since I understand that most people have at least the opportunity for an occasional "off week," I'm going to go ahead and cash that in just as this weekly work gets going.

Read Dave Barry for some real entertainment. Or pull up a few old Lewis Grizzard columns online. He has always been one of my favorites before he died. Anyone with four wives and the congenital heart and alcohol problems as he had, it's no wonder that he felt the need to laugh. After all, it was either that or just go ahead and die crying. I'm glad he chose the other route. Some of my favorite books by him include, "My Daddy was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun," and, "If I Ever get Back to Georgia, I'm Going to Nail My Feet to the Ground." But I've not read them all.

One of my earliest jobs at a newspaper was typesetting Grizzard columns, which he adamantly typed on an electric typewriter. He never used a computer as long as he lived—through the mid-1990s.

When I hear the wit and intelligence that he could put forth in a way that seemed easy, it makes my efforts feel all the more inadequate. I do have one thing on him: I'm breathing. But don't expect me to be able to come up with anything even remotely that entertaining this week. My biggest enemy has always been time, not boredom. That's why I don't have time to get bored. As for boredom, I recently answered a question from someone looking for something exciting to do in Sparta. I suggested that crossing the intersection of U.S. 21 and N.C. 18 (Main and Whitehead streets) repeatedly without getting run over. If that wasn't exciting enough, I suggested she try it blindfolded as school lets out, using the horns of the angry motorists to guide her across the street. Who said there's nothing to do in this town?

If that weren't exciting enough, my second idea was to try to find a parking space at a local grocery store on the day that government checks are issued. Better yet, try it on a moped around lunchtime and try to park in the very front while dodging large automobiles and shopping carts. Stick with me, folks. We're bound to have some fun soon.

For the slightly more adventurous, there's always the option of starting a rumor about yourself and then telling someone who doesn't know you as if you don't know you, either. It's actually more fun to joke about than it is to hear.

I remember when I first came to town here, I had picked up some beer bottles and cans (litter) along the side of the road at my parents' house and threw them in the back of the truck. Later that week, I heard a rumor that I was an alcoholic, drinking all day and throwing the empty bottles and cans into the back of the truck. I can hear it now, "Yes, deary, I saw him at the post office. There was a dreadful load of bottles and cans back there. Someone needs to do something about his problem before he kills someone!"

Shortly after that, I picked up a fellow and dropped him off at a local church and then gave him a ride home later after going to the grocery store. Come to find out, it was an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Then the rumors said I had turned my life around. All in about two weeks! What a guy I must have been! I'm sure it must have been quite a meeting. After all, I've been living here for 13 years last week and I've not needed to visit another meeting since.

On the bright side, if you find yourself the topic of malicious chatter, cheer up. First, you've given whomever people were talking about last week a break; and secondly, it's just a matter of time until someone else becomes the victim.

As for daily life, I've found that I gravitate toward the familiar. I wonder why that is? Maybe it's because we all tend to steer life in the direction of routine, which equates to 'safe,' whether we realize it or not.

For instance, I'm better at some things than others and I've come to the point in life where I can operate entirely in the realm of things with which I am comfortable. In that way, I don't have to be concerned about learning anything new—or messing anything up that I can't fix back. But opportunities arise from time to time; it is whether I choose to take them or not that decides if life will be boring or exciting and new.

For instance, my construction weaknesses are concrete and masonry. I've never really been very good at doing that and thus my confidence level remains low concerning that sort of work most of the time.

The other day, I had to put in just a couple of cinder blocks and had a friend do it to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. I did help and, as is usually the case, I realized after it was done that I could have done it. Confidence comes with experience and I'm often not willing to take the risk of 'messing something up' in order to learn how to do it better. It's odd how these things work, isn't it?

We don't stretch ourselves very far in the every day run of things, a fact that actually prevents us from growing new skills, new relationships and even new ways of looking at things.

The people we talk to generally are people who agree with us, mainly since they are 'more comfortable' to deal with. Often they even look like us, are a similar age, drive similar vehicles and live in similar homes. It's just easier that way, isn't it?

Those who truly challenge us—people who barely agree with us on what color the sky is—actually are the ones that help us grow and mature. But who wants to be in a situation where maturity is not only needed, but required? Oh no, it's much easier just to stay with those who agree with everything and then we don't have to think or answer any difficult questions. Oh well, this part of my weekly routine—and hopefully yours—is officially finished. I hope you all have fun crossing the street and grocery shopping this week.
 

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