There must be some mistake, I thought as the doctor typed into the laptop computer. After all, I've always been a very healthy sort, with few or no problems to speak of. The tests were fairly conclusive, he told me, my levels of a certain hormone could definitely be read as a problem with my thyroid.

Well, now, I thought, what does that mean? As it turns out, I've been told that my thyroid was underactive, a fact which led me to need a daily dose of this medicine, first thing in the morning. The symptoms are supposed to be having a lower metabolism, being somewhat drowsy, depression, and a few others. Since I'm not overweight and I tend to have ample energy at least part of the time, I was actually a little surprised.

But the truth of the matter is that it's too much like a coming of age thing to find yourself taking pills every day. However, this coming of age doesn't come with new rights, like the right to drive or vote. Well, unless you count the right to get free coffee or a 10 percent discount at the restaurant that sells all the unhealthy foods that we're not supposed to be eating.

So for the past few days I've been getting up around 6 a.m., just like always. However, instead of heading straight for the coffee pot as my eyes leak open, I now start by swallowing a jagged little yellow pill and gulping down a glass of water. Then I have to wait 30 minutes before I drink any of my favorite morning beverage, hot coffee with cream and honey. I always use the real stuff, half and half, for my coffee. I figure it's worth the extra fat and calories.

I also have to wait 30 minutes to an hour before eating anything. So, after gulping down my water, I set the timer on the stove and then get the coffee started. Usually by the time I get ready, it's really not a problem.

Despite being told that I will now be taking pills for the rest of my life, the rest of the tests came back very well. The whole test thing was prompted by a letter from my insurance company that said it was time for me to get a physical. According to them, I needed to do that every so often. I hadn't been to the doctor in about two years and I didn't ever just go for a physical and blood testing. But at least now I know that despite what I've been told isn't a stellar diet, my cholesterol number was pretty good. The aggregate LDL number was only about 127, with under 99 being ideal. For a guy who drinks whole milk, eats real country butter and never met a pig he wouldn't eat for breakfast on a homemade biscuit, that's not bad. Just in case, in the week after the test was given but before I had the results, I ate a big hamburger with chili, slaw, fried onions and mustard and french fries, a country ham and egg biscuit, a chicken biscuit, and several other things that would likely be on the cholesterol ‘no-no' list. While ignorance is not supposed to be an excuse, I figured it might be my last week of eating anything I wanted without directly disobeying doctor's orders.

One of my friends had cholesterol numbers so high that the doctor ordered another test. I think his figure was over 1,000. He ended up taking medicine for diabetes, blood pressure, cholesterol and being put on a restricted diet.

When I hear stuff like that, it's hard for me to believe. After all, he's my age. I'm still young, don't you know?

I can honestly say that my diet has improved immensely in the past 10 years and that I have switched to cooking with olive oil and not frying anything at all very often.

Apparently, it's worked. I was unsure how the numbers would play out, but I figured my health was pretty good. I can still run, jump, work and fish, so what more would a man want? Before anyone decides to answer that, I'll just move on.

As I was going to get my medicine after my doctor's visit—I had gone to get blood drawn a week earlier, which was then sent off to be tested—I decided to ask some questions of the pharmacist.

I usually try to patronize all the local pharmacies, just to keep myself in good standing everywhere. I do the same when the same product is offered in various places, buying my groceries at two different stores, buying my gas everywhere and even trying to get my hair cut at more than one shop.

I explained that my THC levels were high and that I had been prescribed this medicine. Now that drew a funny look and I then realized that the correct term was TSH, which stands for Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. THC is the active ingredient in marijuana, the pharmacist explained.

I don't think I have a problem with high levels of that, I said. It's always embarrassing when you get your alphabet soup out of order. At least I didn't spell out something even worse with my letter faux pas.

At the time, I asked about possible side effects from taking the stuff and read on the data sheet it could make your hair fall out temporarily. However, it grows back after that, the sheet said. Well, now, I thought, give me a double dose. Maybe I can use this opportunity to both try out total baldness and then recover lost ground.

After taking the medicine for a couple of days, I could really see a difference in my alertness. Sometimes in the early afternoon it was difficult for me to focus before, but now things seem a little better. Even so, when I stay up too late and get up too early, I'm still obviously going to be tired. But that's not a medical condition.
 

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