Lately I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about skunks.

You might ask me why one would choose to think about such a thing, but in this case, I felt I had little choice. I've come to the conclusion that skunks are probably one of the most loathsome creatures on this fine planet our species calls ‘home.' I'd say it's more than a coincidence that the word "skunk" is so similar to the word "stunk."

Not that I don't give a skunk its due—they are very attractive critters. But skunks are like someone else's wife, they may be pretty attractive when you first see them, but they definitely are best avoided or at least kept at a distance unless you want to get mixed up in a terrible stink.

I don't know why I made that analogy, but I'm sure hoping it isn't read as anything other than funny. Anyway, I guess I really started all of this thinking about skunks the other day at around 4 a.m. That's when I was awakened by one of the most terrible smells on the planet. Since that introductory olfactory blast, I have been granted about two more shots of "Eau de Polecat" at the house, prompting me to consider evacuation as an alternative. I'm not adverse to a skunk or any other animal living under the house and I won't even charge them rent, provided that they don't eat or destroy anything under there that I need and that they don't make too much noise or give off a dis-STINK-tive odor.

Since this guy (or gal or group) did not meet that benchmark requirement, they failed to achieve my approval for a continued visit. So, rather than suffer another attack of skunk-fu on my nostrils, I started making plans to get rid of my unwelcome guest.

First off, I decided to try a ‘tried and true' method to remove anything out from under a house. Mothballs are commonly used by handymen and contractors who have to crawl under a house and are concerned about unseen critters.

I've been told that mothballs run off snakes, moles, skunks and other such things. In fact, I've been ran out of few closets by them myself.

After tossing two small boxes underneath that dark, dirty and cobweb ridden warren beneath my home known as a crawlspace, there seemed to be little or no reprieve from the skunk infestation. This particular skunk might be using them for golf balls or even hard candy. One thing's for sure, it wasn't using them for deodorant.

When I placed the moth balls under the house, I was asked, "Do you think that smell might come into the house?"

Since I was at the time trying to survive the overwhelming, overpowering stench of pole cat at the time, I couldn't imagine the scent of mothballs being a problem for me. In fact, I would even hope for that unwelcome smell if I thought it might cover the other one.

I decided to start trying to learn more about my enemy. So I got on the Internet and started doing a little research.

I learned that skunks semi-hibernate in cold weather, finding or digging a burrow and staying there most of the time.

Since skunks are omnivorous—meaning they eat both plants and animals—they can survive almost anywhere. They can survive on insects and larvae, earthworms, small rodents, lizards, salamanders, frogs, snakes, birds, moles, and eggs. They also commonly eat berries, roots, leaves, grasses, fungi, and nuts. So starving them out isn't an option.

They are known to scratch on the front of a bee hive and then eat the bees that come out to investigate. I do have four hives near the house there. Up until now, bears were my biggest concern, but I don't have one of those living under my house.

Skunks spray to defend themselves from predators, mainly after giving a warning like acting aggressive, stamping their feet and looking generally unhappy.

According to Wikipedia, "The notorious feature of skunks is their anal scent glands, which they can use as a defensive weapon. They are similar to, though much more developed than, the glands found in species of the Mustelidae family. Skunks have two glands, one on either side of the anus, that produce a mixture of sulfur-containing chemicals (methyl and butyl thiols (mercaptans) that have a highly offensive smell that can be described as a combination of the odors of rotten eggs, garlic and burnt rubber."

I'd say it's probably worse than those three things combined, in my humble opinion. Even though it is a most repulsive scent, there are undertones of something very similar to coffee brewing. You see, you get quite familiar with the scent of a skunk after having it wake you up at 4 a.m. and then linger inside your house throughout the rest of the day.

After being in the house for a few hours, you really don't notice it as much, but if you go out and come back in, it's terrible. After talking with a friend about the problem, he told me a skunk had sprayed under his house once upon a time and he "liked to have never got shed of it." So, he added, "If the smell fades, it didn't really spray." After smelling it for several hours, that didn't make me feel better. Instead, it reminded me of having a bomb under the house that could go off at any time. He told me it likely was just staying under the house and that it smelled bad enough to make that terrible odor enter through the floor even without spraying anything. So maybe skunks are like some people, there's no doubt when they come around or when they leave. I was in a little store the other day in the big city and a lady walked in wearing so much perfume that I nearly gagged. It wasn't a bad smell; it was just overwhelming. Maybe her husband did that so she'd be easier to find if he ever misplaced her.

After all, she'd be hard to lose smelling like that (in more ways than one. Maybe that's where I got that early analogy about other people's wives). By the time I got a safe distance away from her, my eyes were watering and I felt like I'd been dipped in scented oil. In that case, I was able to just walk away, but it isn't that easy when the offender is stinking up your house like my new boarder the skunk. My friend said he got rid of his visitor by placing a box trap outside and then hauling the offensive critter away to a more appropriate location to release it.

I just don't want to build a trap and have this thing spray it and then I still have to carry it away. Or worse, that it spray while I'm trying to carry it away, or escape from the trap in route or even just spray in the truck. So far as I've been told, the only thing that will eat a skunk is an owl. So if you ever go to an owl's house for supper, you better be careful to find out what's on the menu. No doubt it tastes like chicken. My grandmother kept a big plastic owl in her garden. I don't know if it'd kept the skunks away, but at this point, I'd try almost anything.
 

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