As the curtain opens, the ballerinas dance across the stage with graceful movements as Tchaikovsky plays in the background.

Toy soldiers stand at attention amongst presents and the garb of the holidays as they prepare for an onslaught by the evil mouse king. Of course, this scene is from "The Nutcracker," a holiday favorite. While it is generally associated with Christmas, it is being played out, albeit with somewhat different characters, at my own house here in January.

Since Christmas is celebrated in January in some countries, I suppose it will be fine. For instance, in Tchaikovsky's native Russia, Christmas is celebrated on Jan. 7. New Years, generally the more popular holiday there, has a visit Santa-like Father Frost and his granddaughter, whose name escapes me. He doesn't have a wife, only a granddaughter. Nonsense knows no borders.

At any rate, Iwas talking about "The Nutcracker" and the attack of the mouse king, in case you forgot. I was at work recently when my sugar plum fairy called me to inform me that the dastardly devil mouse has come into my own home for a late holiday invasion.

Finding herself unarmed, said fairy promptly climbed up onto the recliner and screamed loudly, thus turning over the chair and nearly killing herself in the living room. Thankfully, the first casualties of the war have yet to be counted.

Pondering a counter attack, I averted the nutcracker strategy, especially in light of the fact that we have no toy soldiers, and went straight for the cat.

Having tossed said cat inside the house, Ifigured it would quickly seek and destroy the enemy and thus end the war. However, said cat, having been outside for most of its life, was so exciting to finally be in a warm and comfortable place that it opted instead to lie down on the rug in the dining room and take a little nap.

However, banking on its very presence to calm my agitated sugar plum, I noted that it wouldn't be sleeping if a mouse were about. "Oh no, it would be growling menacingly and pouncing ferociously if a mouse even came near the house," I said as the mouse giggled as only an evil little mouse can. I'm sure it was chewing its way through something valuable as Iuttered the words.

However, always game for a little fun, I sometimes yell, "mouse" and watch the home's other residents head for the nearest high ground. It's always a good idea to run away soon after doing this, for those who fear mice have little fear of men who cry wolf, or mouse for that matter.

The chair climbing, screaming, jerking heebie-jeebies are not something I can readily understand. While I have witnessed this behavior before, I have never been able to comprehend adults standing on chairs and screaming out unintelligible phrases over something as benign as a tiny little rodent. While it could be seen as a sort of a dance, such a thing appears to be the result of genuine terror. That's where I get lost, since a mouse wouldn't hurt, well, a mouse.

It remains as perplexing to me as how one can be afraid to touch an earthworm or can flee from tiny reptiles or insects.

Of course, I've done similar dances when beset by honeybees in my veil or even when a spider dropped down the front of my shirt once. But it wasn't all that funny when it happened to me.

Of course, fear itself is illogical. If it were logical, we wouldn't be afraid of things like those. Perhaps it could be argued that there really is no need to fear, but that's waxing philosophical and is not my intention. I will say that fear is an enemy of rational thought and sprituality.

Yes, a mouse is a harmless little creature which is only dangerous to inanimate objects, seeds, cereals and some vegetables. It lives at the bottom of the food chain, for goodness sake. I've smashed them, trapped them, broomed them, raked them, poisoned them and watched cats eat them. In fact, I'd say that mouse droppings are hundreds of times more dangerous than mice.

"But they're so...nasty," I was told by my sugar plum, her face twisted into a disgusted pose.

I'll have to agree with that one. They store food in our things, they use the bathroom wherever they go and have been proven to carry disease.

I've had mice try to build nests in my sweater drawer, I've seen them leave their calling cards on my counter and even my desk at work. I've even watched them scurry across the floor and stop to look at me with their beady little eyes as Isat looking back, both of us knowing that the other was two far away to do anything about it. But those occurrences were at other places I have lived. Thankfully, mice have been few and far between at my house.

After all, there are four cats at the house which should be more than a match for one little mouse. They should be more dangerous than an army of toy soldiers since cats see mice as a free lunch.

So, thinking of myself as a logical type, Idid what any logical person would do when confronted by a fear-mongering opponent: I went on the offensive.

After bringing one cat into the house, which proceeded to lie down on the rug and fall fast asleep, I figured I better come up with a better plan. I needed something more than just a balm for frazzled nerves. I decided to place mouse traps in hard-to-reach places and remove the enemy's food sources as much as possible.

I bet those toy soldiers didn't try that one. Besides, putting the food up in high cabinets, setting mouse traps and cleaning crumbs don't pan out well when done with ballet moves.

I put the traps in the hole under the bathtub, and around furniture and appliances. I hope that the youngsters in the house don't try any of the things Idiscovered as a youth. For instance, mouse traps can be used for such purposes as snipping siblings' fingers and toes (or just threatening such action), launching toys like a catapult and even just as great party favors when triggered repeatedly by a pencil. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, my mother's voice reminds.

Like "The Nutcracker," it's too bad for the mice that the story won't end well for them. I'm just hoping that there's no dancing involved. I'd just as soon have a house filled with mice and cats, so hopefully it won't come to that.