As I closed my column last week, I noted that I wasn't sure if the problem was the time I had been given or the way I was using it. The best uses of time aren't always what might seem the most profitable or productive.

As I was raised and as the culture of the mountains dictated in the past, the best thing to do with time tended be working, and necessarily so. If we hadn't worked hard at growing and raising and hunting food, we would have gone hungry. Social and family pursuits were either combined with work time or were saved for Sundays and evenings on the porch.

A person's value was determined by their willingness to work hard and contribute to the family, church and community.

Society today doesn't value hard work as it once did, but it still is valued by some. These days, I'd say knowledge is more valued than hard work or toughness. Let's face it, if the garden fails, we can always go to the grocery store and buy whatever we want. For most people, food is plentiful and cheap when compared to wages.

Anyway, as I worked with my Dad, I learned how to process meat, including wild game and farm animals, how to plant and tend to gardens, work on machinery, do basic carpentry work and hunt. I remember how patient he always seemed to be when I couldn't figure out how to do what he was talking about (or showing me) and how forgiving he always was when I made mistakes.

Being disabled, it was hard for him to do some of the kinds of work that needed to be done. That left me helping him and my mother, especially after he got a little older and I got old enough to help.

My father was close to 40 when I was born and had already been through a prison camp in Korea for three years, scratch-out-a-living raising in the late 20s and 30s and much more that I'll never know about. His health already was deteriorating to some degree by the time I was old enough to make a difference.

Of course, as I look back now, I really didn't do nearly as much as I should have. I was much more interested in my own pursuits, such as recreating in all its sundry forms.

As he aged, I remained mostly caught up in my own life, busy with my work, my home and my own pursuits. We did manage to spend some time together, but not as much as I wish I had spent now. Life doesn't feature a rewind button. It's always that way when someone close to you dies. This coming Father's Day will mark the first anniversary of his passing. In my mind, I still see him as he was a few years ago, the quiet gentle man of 70-something who always had a ready smile. I can also see him as he was 30-some years ago, with a buzz-cut and a pack of Lucky Strikes, sitting at the kitchen table in the morning with a white T-shirt and a cup of black coffee.

I was there with him while he was in the hospital and we had a few nice talks, including spending time together without talking at all.

Sometimes that time is just as valuable as a conversation. I now have my mother left and I hope to be able to spend more time with her. I earlier asked her to move in with my family, but she declined. I'm not sure if it is because she 'doesn't want to be a burden' or because she wants to maintain her independence. On the other hand, it could be that she enjoys the peace and quiet of living alone, as I once did myself.

I hope she reconsiders in the future and opts to share a home with my family. I think the larger family unit is the influence that is missing from today's children.

I know I always had the influence of my grandmothers, both of whom lived with my family for periods of time. I also had the influence of one grandfather, who lived within walking distance when I was a boy.

I often visited him and shared little bottles of Dr. Pepper, nabs and sometimes raw hotdogs. I'll note here that the raw hotdogs likely only seemed good to me because my parents wouldn't let me eat them at home. Everything's better at your grandparent's house.

As I grow older day-by-day myself, I'm learning that working and being productive is far better than being lazy, but spending time with the family is just as important. It takes time to come to that realization in life. Living here, it's easier to realize that the final prize isn't a fancy home or car, a nice retirement account or anything else that money can purchase. As I move through life, I keep learning that people are more important than money and that I'm never as smart as I thought I was yesterday. Perhaps the wisdom of the ages is learning how little we know, how little our material needs should be and how much we need to love one another.

Thus, I go back to my idea of focusing more time of the family. I'm not talking about just glancing at one another over a bowl of cereal in the morning, but actually doing things together that take longer than a five-minute story book In that way, I have noticed I am not always spending my time well. So I've started working on a list of things that might be good to do, like a trip to the beach, a hike on the Blue Ridge Parkway, a trip to a state park, a picnic, a visit to an amusement park or simply playing a board game together. Of course, some of those things might happen from time to time, but I hope to set aside at least one evening a week to do something special.

I enjoy working and at the same time teaching, just like my father did, but I also hope that the children' s childhood memories can seem like a golden time to them, just like mine seem to me. I've never been blessed with his patience, but I hope that I can somehow seem as patient as my father was as I work with my children.

If I do a good enough job, they will some day realize that their father isn't as dumb as they once thought he was.

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