I sometimes find myself nearly oblivious to my surroundings.

I stare into space, turning my thoughts over like a disc plow rolling up rocks out of new ground.

Sometimes I get lost in them - thoughts, not rocks - and forget about my troubles and surroundings.

These are opportunities for a recharge when I am alone in a peaceful place, but it is not a good idea when you are behind the wheel of a car. I often find myself going places that I usually go, without going where I am supposed to go. It is like my car already knows the route. For example, the other day I was headed for a store and ended up going home. Lost in some deliberation inside my head, I forgot to stop. I may have felt stupid, but I did save some money. The thing about buying things is, if you don't buy anything, you often find you didn't need it anyway.

At any rate, I have taken to writing myself notes about where I am going, in the order that I should stop. On those days, I do pretty well. At least until I forget to take my note along.

Maybe I am absent-minded, but I don't use that term. It sounds like a person who has no brain at all. While my little gourd-rattler may be small and dysfunctional, it is there.

"You know they say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one," Lennon wrote in the song Imagine. That's what I will call myself, it sounds rather nice to be a dreamer, as opposed to being a man without a brain. However, driving in High Point last Saturday, I discovered that there really is no shortage of brainless people. They were all on the Interstate.

Now that was a trip I didn't daydream through. I was going to a friend's graduation. I was on some of the worst roads North Carolina has to offer. As many of you already know, the slow lane on U.S. 52 may be the choppiest ride in the known world. I bet European cobblestones would seem smooth by comparison.

Therefore, everyone rides in the fast lane, which is smoother. Meaning that cars going 50 and cars going 80 were using the same lane. I don't see how people stay alive down there.

I was touring along at 70 and fell in behind a Plymouth Valiant going about 45. Have you ever noticed that after you drive at 70 or so for an hour, you really seem like you are just floating along in a time warp? The time and space continuum is broken. When another car slows down, sometimes it takes a little bit to realize how fast you're really closing the distance. So, I ended up getting several car lengths away and slamming on my brakes. That got my heart to pumping somewhat, kind of like when you nod off driving and run off the shoulder.

If that wasn't scary enough, I noticed an 18 wheeler coming up on me going about 80. I had already asked forgiveness for my sins and everyone else's when the driver managed to slow down about three inches from my back bumper with a loud toot of his air horn, making an already-jumpy me nearly leap out of my seat.

I would have knocked myself unconscious on the car roof and wrecked if I hadn't been wearing my safety belt. The little Mack sign was as big as a billboard and the bulldog on the hood looked like he was riding in my back seat. Heck, I started to reach back and scratch behind its ears, but I was afraid he would bite me. Of course, I was in an Escort, a car that you can sit in the driver's seat of and still touch every window without stretching. In translation, an accident at 10 miles per hour can leave you in the hospital for months.

A wreck at 80 with a Mack truck? They pick you out of the chrome grill like a bug.

Then the Valiant stayed in the fast lane, so I pulled over onto the washboard lane to go around him, followed by my new pet bulldog and another eight miles of cars, trucks and sport utility vehicles. I was leading the pack like a fox heading up a pack of hounds. Just as I was getting ready to change lanes again, the Valiant sped up to 55 and cut me off. By now, the bulldog's eyes had turned red and I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. As I felt anxiety levels rise, I just kicked off into a daydream and let it all go. That is my defense mechanism when possible. The best way to handle pressure is to ignore it. I hate driving on the Interstate when traffic is heavy. Actually, I hate driving anywhere when traffic is heavy.

I usually try to follow my own little rules of driving. These are not things you can find in a handbook and you won't ever be asked these on a driving exam, but they are good to know.

• When you get ready to change lanes on the Interstate, don't bother to signal. That just tells the other driver to speed up and block you in. Just skid over in front of them and stand your car up on two wheels. You know you did a successful lane change when the other driver makes dirty signs and blows his or her horn. Some folks don't know when they make an unsuccessful lane change, they usually aren't around to think about it.
• If you need to take an exit, there is no better time to take it than right before the grass begins. That way, anyone who happens to be following you in order to discuss your previous lane changes will be left behind in a puff of stinking rubber. Always wave at your "friends" you are leaving behind as you exit, you will probably never see them again (you hope).
• If someone makes a finger sign at you, always blow them a kiss. I have personally found that if it is a man, he is usually too embarrassed to do anything else. If it is a woman, she usually thinks I am some kind of a freak. Either way, it is hard to be mad at someone who is blowing you kisses. Don't do it where people know you or they will start talking about you.
• Always wave at the kids in the back of the car in front of you. It gives you something to do in between worrying and praying and blowing kisses. If a kid makes a face at you, make a more funny one. Kids don't take themselves too seriously like adults. It is also fun to pull along side their car and stick your mouth to the window glass and inflate your cheeks. Don't try this while you are driving, you could get suction lock and have to roll the window down. Not only is it dangerous, it is also painful and embarrassing. Also, don't let the adults see you. Most of them don't laugh and they will think you're a nut.
• Wave at everyone. Not just when you are away from home, but every time you drive. I wave at pedestrians, motorists, people on porches and people working. Heck, the other day I waved at a dog. Don't wave at stupid people hanging off ladders or in trees or they could fall on you. Remember, the one time you don't wave, it will be someone you know and then they will think you are either mad at them or stuck up. You are better off to wave at complete strangers than you are to forget to wave at a friend. Also, try different waves, like the pointer finger lift, the four finger wiggle, the raised Indian "how" and the peace sign. It keeps it interesting. If people don't wave back, don't worry. Sooner or later they will forget to wave at one of their own friends or family members and they won't get any Christmas presents next year. If you aren't nice, bad things happen to you.
• If you eat in the car and drop chili or something on the horn in a parking lot, don't wipe it off. The horn will blow and everyone will be absolutely positive you are honking at them.
• Always wear your seatbelt. It can save your life and, more importantly, $25 bucks if you get pulled over.
• You may pay taxes on both sides of the road, but only drive on one at a time. If you are on a one-lane road, drive on both sides, otherwise you will run off one side and your truck will look like mine.
• Understand your traffic light: Red means stop, green means go and yellow means go real fast.
• Last but not least, always ride with your gas fill lid closed so people don't think you are stupid.

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