Sometimes it actually surprises me that it is already time to pen another column.

I can remember my parents telling me that the days go by faster as we grow older. I understand now what they meant, to some extent. Time seems to fly by. In fact, everything is moving faster but me. I've heard that time is relative and somewhat understand the theory. In essence, as we move faster, time slows down. So, as we move slower, it should be speeding up. However, where I get confused is waiting on the coffee pot to make my necessary morning caffeine- infused beverage, time seems to stop altogether.

As many people do, I have my morning routine down to a science. I get up, slip on my fuzzy robe and soled slippers, open the draft on the stove, turn on the coffee pot and turn on the heater in the bathroom. Then I go back to the stove, stir the coals and add a little firewood. Hopefully, the coffee is ready by then. If it isn't I try to let at least two-thirds of the pot to come out before I start taking out cups of coffee so I won't alter the taste of every cup thereafter. Sometimes I am patient, other times I am not.

After sipping the first cup as I briefly gaze out the kitchen windows at the sunrise, I usually then start getting ready for work.

Sometimes I help get the children prepared for their day, which often helps me remember my own childhood.

Children who need to get ready for school are very close to dead in the mornings, barely able to move, breath and talk and certainly not able to do all those things at once. The only things they seem able to do is sleep, mumble, complain and generally be disagreeable. They also hate whatever outfit you select for them to wear. Usually, if I allow them to select their own clothes, they end up in shorts and flip-flops or some other such ridiculous outfit. I then feel obliged to force them to wear something more appropriate for the season, like wool stockings, long pants, combat boots and thick sweaters.

I should be careful here, since I've seen more than a few people wearing shorts and flip-flops in the winter around these parts. But I don't advise it. You might freeze your toes off.

I stopped off at the grocery store the other day during lunch and saw a woman wearing bedroom slippers and a housecoat. She looked very comfortable in the produce section, shuffling slowly by the bananas without a care in the world.

If she is a mother, it might be her children who are wearing the flip- flops. That's the great thing about America for now, we can still dress as silly as we want to.

But don't try driving to the store without a seatbelt or on a motorcycle without a helmet. The state says you must protect yourself from injury. See how easily we're willing to give up our freedoms for some sort of so-called security? Perhaps we'll have legislation forcing us to wear hard hats and chaps when cutting firewood or OSHA approved gloves and aprons when slicing vegetables.

I often wish the government would learn to mind its own business and stop minding ours. Sadly, we are not a nation that operates by moral directive, but by cash flow. Insurance companies are huge lobbyists who can afford to ‘encourage' legislation to ‘protect' us. Even if they end up trying to protect us from ourselves. As I've always said, flying bodies only hurt themselves and aren't a danger to others, in general. A motorcyclist without a helmet is actually less dangerous to others than one wearing a helmet. But the laws aren't to benefit you or I, they are to benefit the companies and interests that finance political campaigns and, judging by recent news stories, sometimes line the pockets of our government officials. Maybe a recently exposed state leader sold my freedom for a bag of cash in a restaurant restroom.

I feel that all adults should be free to be as intelligent or ignorant as we so desire, so long as our actions aren't harming others. In my opinion, that's the essence of freedom: the ability to make our own choices, whether for the good or bad.

But if I were writing insurance policies, I might feel differently. Profits increase if fewer people are hurt. It's cheaper to pay for votes than injuries, I suppose.

I'd like to protect children from summer clothes in the wintertime and men from seeing women in curlers and bedroom shoes in the grocery store.

I nearly dropped my lettuce when I saw that housecoated lady shuffle by the bananas. Imagine what might have happened had it rolled across the floor tripped someone—it could have been disasterous. There wasn't even a "Caution, falling produce" sign and none of those tomatoes were wearing seatbelts. Yes, friends, they lie there like little red bombs, just waiting for someone to trip over some piece of errantly placed produce and launch them into the air. I may pen a letter to Raleigh tomorrow.

In the meantime, I'd better start saving my money. I hardly have enough to operate the stall door on a pay toilet, let alone buy off any politicians.

Maybe I'll just start a Web site. That's what all the other nut cases with a cause and no cash do.

Get more tongue in cheek commentary this week's issue of the Alleghany News!

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