111th Year, 35th Issue Thursday, April 13, 2000 Sparta, North Carolina

REALITY CHECK

Getting it as advertised? Not on your life

by Coby LaRue

Do you ever feel cheated when the items you purchase aren't exactly "as advertised"?

The other day I bought a tiller and the picture showed one with a dipstick to check the oil, but the one I bought didn't have one. I had already assembled the thing before I noticed, so naturally I didn't return it. It just had an oil fill plug.

I filled it up and started using it anyway. It worked fine. I still wanted the oil dipstick. I felt cheated.

Now cheated and hungry, I went to a hamburger joint, ordered a meal and sat down to eat. I then noticed that the burger was very sparsely and improperly dressed. Items missing included almost everything listed as included.

What I had was a mess with ketchup, mustard and cheese, and the burger I ordered wasn't even supposed to have cheese. This doesn't look like the sign, I thought. Nothing ever does.

I walked up to the counter and said to the person there, "Could you re-dress this burger, please?" I didn't get a response, but the clerk did snag my burger. "Like, what's wrong with it' You don't like what's on it or something?"

I started to get aggravated, remembering my "as advertised" woes. "Please just have the sandwich dressed like it is supposed to be dressed. I don't want anything special, I just want what I ordered." While said with a soothing voice, the counter-person evidently didn't appreciate my opinion - either that or she had a problem with her eyes rolling wildly like a horse which has just stepped on a six-foot rattlesnake.

Like, the nerve of me, wanting what I ordered and all, you know? However, I did get my burger back, after I watched carefully its preparation for safety's sake. It still did not look like the one on the sign, but it did have the right toppings on it.

I didn't get an, "I'm sorry for your trouble" or "here you go, sir." I would think that should be even more automatic than, "Do you want fries with that," or, "Would you like to try one of our apple turnovers?" Instead of an apology or even a nice robotic saying, the smack of wrapped burger on counter was my reply as the youth sassily turned away from me.

"Thank you very much for your wonderful service," I called loudly. "I will be sure to put you in for a customer service award if I ever die and go to burger Hades."

I wondered if she turned to her french frying co-worker with a comment about the jerk with the burger, or would she instead ask if the burger joint had a main office in a town called "Hades." Isn't that in Pennsylvania? Rhode Island? Maybe I'll get a raise....

I went back to my seat and then ate the burger, which now had a soggy bun, along with the watered down drink and cold fries that were waiting for me.

I smiled at the clerk when she looked over and kept chewing. Had she smiled back I would have been afraid to eat my food. Reverse psychology in action. Or was it paranoia?

Not that the drink being watery was the fault of me going back to the counter. No, I am quite sure that the drink was something leftover from a person who ordered a Coke an hour or so before and choked to death on an improperly-dressed burger before having the chance to drink it while the little girl at the counter rolled her eyes and said, "I guess I'll have to call an ambulance and sweep up all that food you spilled. My God, couldn't you just die already and quite thrashing those fries everywhere?"

Perhaps I am being a bit melodramatic. But how hard could it be to just smile a little and be polite? Then I thought about some of the days I have had, perhaps she was just having a bad one. I can imagine myself having many a bad day amongst the hamburgers and french fries.

At any rate, if the food and service are bad and they are always bad and I keep coming back, it is my fault for eating there. However, if a restaurant feeds me a good meal once, then I expect a good meal the next time I go there.

On the other hand, bad food with good service is better than nothing, but I suppose good food with bad service is better.

When you eat alone, sometimes it is nice to have something to grumble about between bites.

Meanwhile, I think I'll go fetch a burger somewhere. All this fussing is making me hungry.

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