Something happened a while back that made me think I might be a little self-centered.

I have been told I exhibit several clear symptoms of self centered-ness, a condition affecting many in today's narcissistic world.

Not that I have ever been narcissistic of my appearance. I am more self-involved (or self absorbed), often sitting quietly and thinking. I don't always say what I think inside, which often distances me from others. I suppose I was a shy child and stayed alone a good deal, becoming imaginative and independent, both of which combined can make you grow up to be either a strong-willed writer or a lonesome liar, of which I hope I am the former.

As a recent example, I write a good deal of email as a means of communication. I have found that I often start messages without an opening greeting, such as Dear Whoever. I just start typing the message and tell them what I want to say, sometimes responding to something they wrote before. I think that this is very practical and sensible. I had one friend tell me the other day that opening a message in such a way shows insensitivity.

Look, if a letter from a person you know shows up in your mailbox about a conversation you should remember having, you should be smart enough to figure out that the person is writing to you. Why do you need to waste those words to say, "dear so-and-so"?

What if the letter was going to a man? If I called a fellow "dear" in public like most people do in letters, folks might start wondering about me. So why call the same man "dear" in a letter? Furthermore, if I were to use dear for women and not men, is that not sexist? I say we just eliminate the whole thing by addressing the envelope to the right person to start with.

It is kind of like the toilet seat thing. Somewhere out there right now, someone is wondering how I made that jump. It isn't as different as it may sound. From living with a woman in the past, I very well recall the burden of having to drop that seat every time and then going back to lift it every time.

That is before I got wise and started dropping both seats. It didn't take long before I got a complaint.

In explanation, I said, "Now dear, it is more fair for you than me, because I still have to lift two seats, while you only have to lift one." That was when I explained that this was my way of fixing a long-time problem - men are discriminated against in co-ed bathrooms because of their sex. Is there no justice?

Of course, that was before I saw "No Time For Sergeants." If I had come up with that pedal to open the toilet idea like he did, I wouldn't have had to worry about such trivialities.

Someone really should invent a little pedal to step on and lift the seat. If the inventor has my philosophy, there would be two pedals for the married folks, one would lift both lids and the other would lift just one. Equal rights, you know. Or just number the pedals, let's see, how about "Number One and Number Two"? Wouldn't that be cute.

Remember the letter? I was writing about letters prior to sending this column to the toilet. I tried to be understanding and started putting her name in the email subject line instead of in the letter. As you can tell, I am a firm believer in compromise. Things went fine for awhile and then she asked, "Why don't you ever close a letter?"

"I do close it," I said. "I click 'send' and it disappears from my screen or I lick the glue and fold it over, according to which kind of letter it is."

"You know what I mean," she said.

My mother once told me I could aggravate a dead woman. That might have been around the time I was discovering my musical abilities through the utilization of all of her pot and pan lids. She finally bought me some at a yard sale and made me go outside to bang them together. I tried to tell her the acoustics weren't as good outside, but she didn't seem to care. Perhaps she was feeling a little insensitive, or maybe she just didn't appreciate the finer points of my Gong Show tribute. Whatever the reason, the neighbors threw a party when we moved away and didn't invite us. Maybe they didn't appreciate my music either.

As for my friend, she then asked, "Why don't you write 'sincerely' or 'yours truly' and your name at the end of a letter? It is so impersonal the other way."

Sometimes it amazes me that men and women are the same species.

If I don't put "yours truly" and "dear" on a letter that makes me insensitive? Absolutely, I was told.

Thinking through this thing, I rationalized that I usually try to go through life on a bulldozer, seldom changing course or backing up for long unless I get stuck. The good thing about being on a bulldozer is that you can almost always move any obstacle in your path if you are willing to work at it long enough and hard enough. On the other hand, the bad thing about riding life's bulldozer is that everyone knows where you've been. That also has a positive, because anyone who follows you around has a good road to leave on when it is time for them to go. (Now that was insensitive - my sense of humor often gets me in trouble).

While changing your landscape is a good thing sometimes, particularly if you find yourself on a really bad slope, maybe it isn't the easy way or even the best way. I think the first step to a happy life is learning to like yourself for what you are, whether others approve of you or not.

As for my outlook, I prefer to think of myself as strong-willed, self-involved and practical, but I can live with being labeled self-centered and insensitive - as long as I don't have to lift that darn toilet seat anymore.

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