While I am still pretty much a young man, my hairline is crawling slowly back over my scalp.

Sometimes I think it is scared of my forehead, which just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

Then I noticed that, other than a few errant sprigs on the crown of my skull, I don't exactly have a hair-forest there either. So what to do?

There are options, but none of them sound too enticing to me. I don't want to go through life applying witch-doctor remedies to my head or stapling on a really bad-looking hunk of cat fur on my skull. I also think the scalp-spray is not a good idea, I don't really want to go through life with spray-painted hair.

I suppose if the problem reaches epic preportions, I will most likely just shave my head.

That is taking control of the situation, sort of like saying, "I am not bald, I shave my head."

Tele Sevales did that and made lots of money, as have others. Perhaps I will start eating lollipops and working as a detective.

On the other hand, I have rather large ears as well and I fear I might take on the appearance of Dumbo. Dumbo was a hero, I try to remember, and Mighty Mouse also appeared to be bald and had big ears and was still quite popular with the girls, even if they were mousy-looking girls.

"Here I come to save the day" is sadly not a statement that I have a great deal of use for these days.

A friend told me the other day that if you lost your hair from front to back, you are a thinker. If you lose it from the back first, then you are a lover. If it all falls out at once, I guess your just out of luck. I had a friend who told me that I appear to have plenty of hair left.

"What are you worried about?" He asked me. That was when I explained that I do have plenty of hair, but I have more in the bathtub drain every day than I do on my head. It is like the hair feels the water and thinks my ship is sinking, only to jump over board and send my hairline down the drain.

The one thing that I have going for me is looking back at my grandparents, because I have heard that this sort of thing skips a generation. They all have hair, but most had thin hair and what is popularly known as the "widow's peak," which means you have a spike of hair in the middle and very little on the sides.

I don't have any bald people in my family, but there is a first time for everything. Look on the bright side, I tell myself. Think of all the money I can save on shampoo alone. Not to mention the time savings from buffing my head to the sheen of a finely polished bowling ball versus combing and fussing over my receding locks. Perhaps I will change my nickname to "Cue Ball" or "Melon Head."

I look around at other guys who have lost hair and see how they handle it. For instance, I have an uncle by marriage that always wore kind of a pompadour looking deal. I don't know how he did it, but he would take his hair and swirl it around in front to make a big wavy hump. Think of James Dean, I suppose. I saw him the other day and he was sporting scalp instead of the "do" he used to wear. I kind of missed seeing that thing on his head though, it was a trademark. He doesn't seem to care, but I did notice that he had two or three hairs left and they were all curled around into a Charlie Brown pompadour.

I have another friend who has lost a good deal of his hair who now is never to be seen without a ballcap of one sort or another. I suppose this is a possibility for me too. I like ballcaps and I can always keep the hair on the sides and no one will know. Dwight Yoakam is mostly bald, he just wears a cowboy hat. Burt Reynolds is bald as well, but he opted for the cat-skin deal. I wonder if he is a member of the cat-skin club for men? He's pretty rich, he might could even afford one of the nicer models, without the staples. I think they are sewed on or something.

I see some older fellows with just hair on the sides who let it grow really long and comb it over the top and then somehow comb it back and make it look like they have hair again. I guess they do, in a way. That seems like a whole lot of trouble to me for an unusual result.

There is another friend of mine who just takes it all in stride, who doesn't really care. I suppose he has the right idea.

I will be fine if and when I reach one stage or the other -its really the suspense that's killing me.

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