I recently had an elderly neighbor tell me that I needed to trim a particular spot in my yard. The place in question wasn't large, only a few feet, partially obscured by a line of flowers near the fence line. The fence separates her property from my property.

First of all, allow me to tell you that my neighbor is a fine widow woman, a kind person who often gives away flowers and always has nice things to say to others. She goes to church regularly and seems to walk the walk. "I can't trim that bank on your side of the fence because it is too steep," she told me.

I couldn't understand what that meant to start with, until she told me to take my trimmer up the bank on my lawn and cut an area of grass that she pointed out to me. "You mean you came down here to tell me to trim my lawn?" I replied.

Early on, I decided that I would rotate my trimming, hitting some parts more often than others, but not ever trying to get the entire acre-plus lot at once. The bank near the property line is partially eroding already, the soil is not particularly rich and doesn't hold grass well. What does grow there is weak and sparse. When she pointed it out, the grass there was four or five inches tall. The rest of my lawn was about two inches tall.

My little community isn't full of manicured lawns. It is made up of rolling hills and farm land with a few big yards. This isn't a country club or a golf course I'm talking about.

As for my neighbor, there never was a real confrontation, we were both amicable during the entire time we talked. I told her that I have a schedule that I trim on, and I would be getting to that area soon. After I said those things, she went on to explain to me that those sprigs looked bad and that they really bothered her.

She told me that the property I now own has frequently been allowed to grow up in the past and been untended. "I'm glad you're taking care of it. It looks really nice," she said. "But I want you to mow that spot. Not right now, but just as soon as you can get to it." It was as if I hadn't even said a word to her. She told me that she had noticed my vehicle pull into the driveway for lunch and hurried down to talk with me about the ‘problem.' I could see my problem with the situation was much different from hers.

On one hand, I didn't want to be mean to my neighbor. I have always been taught, and tried, to respect my elders. On the other hand, I am not going to be told what to do at home.

After trying to explain again that I would tend to the grass as I saw fit, to no avail, my thoughts culminated with, "You tend to your side of the fence and I'll tend to mine." Noting that those words might sound harsh, I added, " I don't want to be mean to you or hurt your feelings. If you ever need me to mow your lawn or help you in any way I can, I will do it. But I can't stand for you or anyone else telling me what to do with my own property for any reason."

I felt like the old men in the barber shop arguing over a game of checkers. It's only checkers, I would always think.

I later told my mother about it and she said that was a mean thing to say. "Why didn't you just go up there and trim it?" She asked. I just shook my head. "What's next, what if she doesn't like my car or the color of my house?" There's something deep inside that is offended by the mere notion of someone telling me what to do on my land. I don't want to be a bad neighbor, but I have the right to do with it as I see fit and so long as I pay the payments and the taxes.

Does that make me mean? It depends on who you ask. Most of the men I have talked to say that's the same way they see it, most of the women think I should have just obliged to keep peace. What's the right thing? I don't know.

Since then, we have taken her food, talked with her and visited. I have respected her as a person and I appreciate her faith.

As for the trimming, when I got to that side of the yard about 10 days later, I thought about her as I cut that little spot. I must admit there was a little voice in my head that suggested skipping it, but I ignored it and told it to leave me alone. While I'm not going to change my mowing schedule to make someone else happy, I am also not going to change it to make them unhappy.

My neighbor was gracious in that she didn't further press the issue. She hasn't mentioned it again and I really appreciate that. I don't think she ever really understood my point of view, and I didn't understood her's either. At least we disagreed agreeably. I sometimes wonder what makes us the way we are. I hope to find out one day, but for now I will have to find contentment in the search for understanding as I trim my own grass.

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