Well, the power is on in the woods for the first time in the five years since I started carving out underbrush.

I already have plans for the place for the next little while, but first I have to overcome one last hurdle.

That's right, I beat the porches, the two story building, the leaky roof, the sagging ceiling, the sheetrock job, the bathroom renovations and the tree felling, but I still had one more thing to fight off. The plumbing.

In some strange, almost religious way, I had hoped the plumbing wouldn't be like every other part of the job that I have been toying with for the last half decade. But alas, when the water came on, it also came out — everywhere.

The toilet line was in two pieces where it had apparently frozen and burst. The cold line flowing into the sinks had been likewise destroyed. All the main lines, which appeared to be galvanized against me, were basically converted into a complex under-home sprinkler system. However, on the bright side, the water heater still worked and the pressure tank, which I installed a couple of years ago, was put in correctly and had no leaks.

I also noticed that the salvaged toilet that I put in was spouting off water from the bottom of the tank, around the tank bolts or water inlet.

I could tell it was going to be one of those multiple-day jobs. I started off with a trip to the hardware store, where I bought a sundry collection of plumbing parts, many of which I had hoped I wouldn't need. For instance, I picked up a hand full of elbows, connectors, screw connectors of various sizes in male and female and tees all in CPVC, my plumbing of choice. I also bought brass fittings to adapt copper flange pipes, and compression fittings for the ones I had to cut.

I have found in my life that a man can generally be fine with plumbing so long as he doesn't mind getting wet and has lots of pieces to create things with. All the materials to re-plumb the entire place were bought for less than $150, which is about the cost of hiring a fellow with his pants riding down to scratch his head, or some other unseemly body part, and say, "Uh, you need new plumbing."

The first part of the job may have been the worst, crawling under the house. I slogged along through my own little fountain of youth, complete with a very cold shower of clear well water and an occasional dip in the mud wherever the water collected in the loose soil under the house.

Even though I turned off the pressure tank switch and drained it with a hose, the water still seemed to be nearly endless, seeping slowly from the burst pipes in a method that must be similar to Chinese water torture.

By the time I was finished underneath getting a new supply line piped into the house, I was both cold and miserable.

After that, all I had to do was branch off the new line, which I piped up under the bathroom sink. In such a small place, the new main line was, much like its predecessor, not that easy to get at. All of which left me laying in the floor with my head in a cabinet for several hours with an open bottle of pipe glue. By the end, I think I was hallucinating, which may be why the whole job reminded me of my childhood tinker toys. By the time I was nearly done, I found my pants had ridden down too far and I was mumbling to myself. Later, I answered the phone and told a friend that I was "uh, putting in new plumbing" as I scratched myself shamelessly and tried to hike up my pants.

The bathroom has two sinks, the shower and the toilet and the closet on the other side of the wall houses the water heater. All of which combined left me with about forty fittings and tiny pieces of pipes to try to interconnect with the existing copper supply lines, while still missing all the old galvanized stuff that had only recently stopped spraying water.

Added to that was the enjoyment of also trying to incorporate the Quest pipe off the water heater, since someone forgot to get the right size connectors for that part of the task. I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much stuff I purchase, I will always find myself missing something after I get home from the hardware store. I can write a list, draw a picture, or even start from scratch, and it doesn't seem to matter at all. There are always way too many of somethings and far too few of another. Anyway, I managed to scavenge enough parts out of the building to piece the Quest in with the new pipes, making a very nice hodgepodge of plumbing fun.

I also was trying out some new glue, a special primer and glue all in one. I found the glue easier to deal with than the two cans I had used before, but I still managed to glue both hands, one arm, a leg and most of my clothing. That wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that the glue doesn't wash off, it wears off. And, since it is mustard yellow, it isn't the most appealing stain I have ever had on my body. It may be better than the primer I usually end up wearing doing it the old way.

Anyway, after about five hours, I finished the bathroom, leaving the kitchen and laundry. They are on the other end of the house, which means I get to crawl back under there for more fun. At least the water won't be dripping this time. I hope.

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