I commented last week that I haven't been sick all winter long. This is fairly unusual for me, so I attributed the lack of illness to my honey consumption.

I have heard that honey has antiseptic qualities and may help keep people from becoming ill. I have also heard that honey raised locally, like mine, raised in my own yard, has added antibodies. By yesterday, I had almost lost my voice and was running a low-grade fever. By Friday, I was coughing and choking and feeling cold with muscle aches.

I should have known better than to brag about avoiding illness or to contribute my health to something like honey. Oh well, now that I have it, I might as well try to enjoy it the best I can.

I decided to give up my tough persona and go on in to visit the doctor, even though I felt sure I would get tongue depressed, listened to, touched, touched with a cold stethoscope, poked, prodded, questioned and, hopefully, drugged and medicated.

At least that seems to be the way it usually works. I always try to remember to tell the doctor that my colon and prostate are in wonderful condition and never need to be checked, as well as any other parts that might require invasive, painful and embarrassing inspections.

I remember the last time that happened, I went in for an appendectomy and ended up feeling rather violated. That was when I instituted my ‘I feel great' policy in relation to doctor's questions on certain body areas and functions. The cure can be worse than the ill, in my opinion. I got in to see the doctor in the afternoon and had to have my throat swabbed, which wasn't exactly a pleasant experience. Sticking a Q-Tip in one's mouth is not something anyone enjoys, but I suppose it had to be done.

Then the lab tech tested me for germs. I didn't have streptococcus (strep throat), but I did have bronchitis and a virus. I don't know which virus, but I can tell you it wasn't a nice one.

Anyway, the doctor gave me a prescription for five pills and a bottle of cough syrup, along with a pat on the back and a hefty bill. Of course, doctors might not agree that the bills are hefty, but on the average local salary, it isn't easy to pay even a small amount, let alone an unexpected doctor bill.

Thank goodness I have insurance to help cover the cost of doctor visits and medicine. Nonetheless, it still ends up costing me at least $60 for a trip to the doctor, by the time I pay for the prescriptions.

Before I left, the doctor noted that I hadn't been in the office for more than a year and a half. "You don't abuse the system, do you?" He asked jokingly.

"No, it usually abuses me," I quipped over a tongue depressor. The newspaper recently changed insurance companies due to a merger in the insurance world and my cost for prescriptions and visits will increase by about $5 each. I had just received my new card in the mail and presented it to the doctor along with payment and proceeded on to the drug store to get my medicine.

When I presented the new card there, the clerk informed me that it is not in effect until April 1, which I should have realized myself. I knew there was a reason to read that giant booklet they gave me. I had to dig through my wallet and find the old insurance card and present it instead. Thank goodness I still had it.

Then I had to return to the doctor's office and explain the whole mess there as well. I can't say I was sorry about the $5 refund, which subsequently left my bank account on a positive note, instead of the red ink I had been expecting on my financial program. Red is never good.

Upon further reflection on the cost of illness including non-prescription drugs — things like fever reducers, cold medicines, salves and other over-the-counter items — I realized that I can't afford to get sick much more than once per year.

Unless, of course, I can find a reputable witch doctor to treat me with ashes, roots, leaves and weird chants. Who am I kidding? I probably couldn't afford to go see one of those either. I bet their malpractice insurance is ridiculous.

When I get sick, it seems like my taste buds are one of the first things to go. I had a meal just before going to the doctor, but it really didn't taste good. I was just going through the motions. Nothing seems to taste right, with the exception of cough syrup and chicken soup — chicken soup always tastes good and cough syrup always tastes bad. At least there are a few constants I can count on in this old world.

Get more tongue in cheek commentary this week's issue of the Alleghany News!

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