With last week's revelation that late-night television infomercials can deplete one's bank accounts, I have decided to find someway to replenish my meager funding.

When I started thinking about it, I noticed that almost everything seems to have a dot-com these days. There are sites on the web for everything from ordering toys and books to buying a new car. Adding to my interest, I saw an early morning news program the other day that claimed that the companies are actually using most of their investment capital to advertise. The idea, they say, is to make a brand name that is easily recognizable by consumers before worrying whether or not the company turns a profit. That is about the same as gathering up money for oranges, using that money to advertise that you have oranges and trying to use the money garnered from sales coming from the advertisement to actually buy the oranges that have already been sold. These far-flung ideas certainly do not make me want to buy into anything with a web address. They do, however, give me the idea that anyone can invest in something and make money. Not that I have a great deal of money with which to invest, but it is always nice to think about what one might do should the money magically appear. I also have other resources, like time and a pinch of wit that I could invest - given the appropriate means. With that thought in mind, I decided to use the old school technique of brainstorming to come up with my cash cow.

With little or no knowledge about stocks, bonds and the global economy, the stock market is most likely out of the question. Buying three shares of anything for $10 is not a good way to build a fortune quickly, or so I am told by my financial advisors. Therefore, I will instead make my fortune in other ways and hire a financial guru to lose it all in the stock market later.

Since I lost my last tooth in a dentist's chair and the rest appear to be firmly attached, the tooth fairy hardly seems an option. However, I have decided that I should try and save my remaining teeth in escrow in case an emergency should arise. I suppose this means I have a contingency fund.

Rainbows seem pretty rare these days and chasing them lends itself to little success. For some reason they seem to stay about the same distance away no matter how fast one goes. Someone else most likely already found the gold at the end anyway. With gold in mind, I also thought of capturing a leprechaun. I don't think I will try it because I have a friend who was nearly killed by a very short man (who happened to be a karate expert). Evidently, the little guy left my friend bleeding and murmuring about gold while he fetched an officer to charge him with assault in the parking lot of a Quickie Mart. Needless to say, he never did get any gold from the guy. Also, I once saw a movie about a murderous little magical fellow and have nightmares just thinking about it. Scratch that idea.

Magic lamps are in short supply these days, but rubbing on tarnished lamps could lead to a second job and a real money-making career (perhaps I will even luck into a magic one). I will call it Ali Baba's Lamp Polishing Service and open soon after the first of the year. I will put my business on the Internet at AliBaba.com. I can use investment capital to advertise and then pay the investors with money made rubbing lamps. I am going to have to brainstorm more often - I feel more financially secure already.

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