I was going through my basement stuff this past week, trying to sort out the good from the bad and the ugly. It isn't a very easy job for a guy who likes to collect junk of all shapes and sizes. I automatically remove any and all tools from consideration, even prior to figuring out what some of them are for. I have several of those what-cha-ma-jiggers and thing-a-whatchers laying around that look really useful. A man can hardly tell what some tools, especially old and acrane ones, are by looking.

After owning one item for about three years, a brass object with a wooden handle, I had an uncle ask me, "Where did you find this ancient soldering iron?" I had to act like I already knew what it was, but only briefly. He went on to explain that people who soldered in the old days heated up the brass iron on a bed of coals and used it to fuse things together. While realizing what the object was used for was helpful, it still remains in my bag of arcane tools, unused for the last 10 years. I think I bought it in a big box at an auction. I have to stay away from those, I usually end up taking all those deals where an auctioneer says, "Everything that's left for one dollar if you'll clean out the building. "I then find myself owning used cans of paint and other such junk, with the exception of an occasional rare find. I once found a really nice chain hoist buried underneath a pile of burlap sacks in a building like that. The hoist was worth more than the building.

As I was saying, I was sorting through the basement and discovered that I am ‘overstocked' with worthless junk. What I call worthless are items that seem to me to be useless. What could be more useless than glass figurines, lidless tupperware, old mismatched cups and glasses, pictures, clothes that don't fit and gifts that were never wanted. But, as I so well know, one man's trash is another man's treasure. So what to do with these wonderous items? I knew there was only one answer — yard sale. Yes, that pinnacle of Americanisms, the bastion of a free-market economy and the bane of men everywhere, the Saturday morning front-yard auction. I advertised in the newspaper, which is what all the good yard-sellers do, and then I went about gathering up my supplies. Tables, boards and ladders, chairs, and, last but not least, the actual merchandise. To make things more complicated, my sister decided to join me. She used to run a shop that sold clothing, what-nots, toys and junk that recently closed down. She brought a ton of clothes, which we hung on boards between two step ladders. It may sound crazy, but it works well. My friend Mike gave me that idea when I saw him make display shelves out of step ladders and old boards. Ingenuity at its finest.

I started settting up at 7 a.m. for the 8 a.m. start. By 7:30 a.m., my yard was full of birds — early birds. Lots of people who wanted to see the good stuff before it got away, or got set on tables, for that matter. Then my sister and her husband were late, so I had to set up on their tables until they could help me set up the other stuff. It was very interesting there for a while. In between, "How much for this rusty fishing knife" and "I'll give you a quarter for this plastic ballerina," I was trying to carry up boxes of junk, set up tables and collect money. Next time, I think I will try to set up about two hours before the official start time and be sitting there sipping coffee when the cars show up. Then again, since we donated a lot of the items to a local charity after the end of the day, maybe I can get rid of the rest of it without going through the hassle of another sale. Then again, I am living in a premium yard sale place, being near a major highway with heavy traffic and all. There are also a lot of places where it is easy to stop. That always helps when those ‘impulse shoppers' drive by and slam on the brakes.

I bet a person could do pretty well setting up once a month or so. More than that and you might lose your mind. I try not to go to yard sales very much, since most of the people that I know are generally selling the same things I am selling. Everyone wants tools and things like that, but nobody wants those adorable salt and pepper shakers with the ‘Made In China' sticker on the bottom. During the yard sale, many of the things that I thought wouldn't sell, sold. There are some things that I thought everyone would want that wouldn't sell at all.

There are several different kinds of people who attend yard sales. There are some who shop there because they are cheap (like me). There are those who shop there because of the social gathering aspect and there are those who shop there to get needed items. I'm just glad when they carry all my unwanted junk away. It's not every day you get the opportunity to unload your junk and get paid, too. You have to love it.

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