The orders for calendars came in not long ago here at the office and I ordered the typical stuff - one large desk-sized one for keeping up with the date and a smaller one to carry with me.

The smaller one says it was made by the House of Doolittle, which I found quite humorous considering that I plan to use it to keep track of my life. It did earn a laugh from me, since I am the one who will be "doinglittle" this year, if I follow after my planner's namesake. Keeping up with all of the things I need to do is not an easy task. I have more projects going on than... well, you know how crazy I have been.

This past weekend I cut down a bunch of trees, including one massive oak, in preparation for the electric lines that are now forthcoming, I learned from the company's representative Friday. So much for my theory on Y2K. I suppose I will have to suffer just like everyone else. I know that once power is installed, I will object to any loss of it whatsoever most vociferously. Funny how that works, isn't it?

I have been working very hard here lately and find myself a bit short of helpers from time to time.

The friend who helps me out most often was talking to another friend of mine via cell phone, which I got so that people can bother me wherever I go.

"Don't come," I heard him saying. "Run for your life. He's been trying to kill me, working me to death." Then I walked in and he said, "It's for you, but I don't think whoever it is will be coming."

My friend has been on injured reserve for three months running with a mysterious shoulder injury that occurred shortly after I ended up with all this work to do. That was when I realized that I need to answer the cell phone firsthand to talk to the would-be workers before they are screened out by the others who already know better. "I'll do what I can," he tells me with a woeful look on his face. "I'm crippled," he says. He weighs in well over 200 pounds and appears to be healthy as a horse, at least until the work bell rings. Kind of like the fall guy in a rigged fight when the ring announcer plugs the bell. Oh, I don't suppose I should pick on him that much, but I would be willing to wager that he would have no problem gathering gold bullion were a truck load of it dumped upon his lawn. One thing is for sure, I do have some good friends (he included) who have always been there when they could to pitch in.

There are just some things you can't do by yourself without climbing up and down a ladder or crawling in and out from under a house. On other fronts, I went to my mother's church Saturday for a church bazaar.

I usually try to attend fundraisers at the little church, as they generally need the support with such a small congregation. I think the sign on the front of the building says that it was built in 1849. I bought several food items, and a baseball cap with the name of a college team in Texas on it. I also bought several items that I don't know why I bought now. I suppose it was the adrenaline rush of actually spending money. I don't shop often.

I also purchased several gallons of deck stain in assorted colors with names like ginger, olive brown and dark charcoal. Sounds like the ingredients for a Chinese cookout to me, but what do I know. I don't suppose it really matters what color it is as long as it protects the wood beneath it. After all, that is why I would apply stain to start with. Aesthetic beauty is not a good reason to build a deck, especially not if you use all rough used lumber.

But I soon will be able to afford all the new lumber I want, as I plan to make millions with my new invention: Motion Sensing Christmas Lights. That's right, I have come up with a plan. I went to a friend's house who has just put out an extensive display of those new icicle Christmas lights on the front of his house.

He installed a night sensor thing that makes the lights come on at dusk. Well, it was rainy Sunday and his lights came on around 3 p.m. He also had installed a timer to have the lights go off in about four hours. They cut themselves off at 7 p.m. The timer helps save money on electric bills and not many people are out looking at lights in the middle of the night. Good idea, right?

Then I thought to myself, when do people really look at Christmas lights? When they drive by, of course. So why not just put a motion sensor at the end of your land and another at the other end and have the lights stay on for about 15 seconds when they are triggered. That way you could save power and it would also help to cause quite a start with passing motorists, not to mention neighbors.

I can hear it now, "Honey, the neighbors are so tight that they wait until a car goes by before they plug in their Christmas lights." People could just drive by over and over and wonder how you know they are coming in time to plug up the lights. Perhaps I will write that Ron Popeil guy and get him to do an infomercial on the RonCo Senso-matic Motion Sensing Christmas Light package. He could even throw in one of those vegetable dehydrators and chopping things for a bonus.

With my luck someone will discover that motion sensors cause some serious disease right before I announce my new invention.

Even if they don't, what would I do with all of that money? I could eat only so much and wear only so much and do only so much. An then I would have to manage my company and worry about cheap competitor's rip offs and try to keep up profit margins. This isn't sounding so good after all. I don't suppose I really want any more worries than I already have. So, in that case, is there anyone out there who wants a free idea? It's all yours.

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