I was considering sending out Christmas emails this year to save money on cards. It seemed to be a good idea, what with the current economic situation and all.

But then I realized that this might not be the best thing for the U.S. Postal Service and my own stamp rates. In the end, I was more worried about stamp rates, because the postal service as an organization doesn't seem overly concerned with my views or financial well-being.

I did have some ideas to pass along to the postal service. Why don't they accept money from boxholders, like me, to withhold all mail not specifically addressed? I would pay for that service right now. After all, it isn't like I can afford to shop more just because Happy Mart has something on sale "this week only."

Anything that says "John Doe or Current Boxholder" could just be sent to the recycling center, as far as I am concerned. Not once in my life have I seen a piece of unsolicited mail in my box that I wanted.

What can I live without? How about a box full of Wally World circulars, the latest from Tragic Mart, great offers on death insurance benefits for my entire family, sale items at Drugstore X and low-priced double insulated windows through the mail.

This time of year these offers get entirely out of hand, if you ask me. I went to the post office a couple days ago and my mailbox was so full that I could hardly get everything out of it. Needless to say, I don't have that many friends sending me Christmas cards. However, I did find a few Christmas cards inside, helping me remember to mail my own cards. Ok, mental note taken.

I have been mulling the junk mail problem over for some time, but I was unable to reach a good, hard-hitting conclusion. However, some ingenious person out there in email land sent me an idea.

You know those offers from credit card companies and other direct mailers you get every day? Take the pre-paid postage envelopes included in the deal and stuff them full of the other mail circulars (rounded on both sides). Then cover the back of the envelope with tape or just seal it and drop it back into the mail while you are still at the post office.

Then all these companies not only have to pay to send you their crap — they have to pay again to receive the crap other people paid to send you. Using this scenario, the post office gets added support as they collect for the first, second and third mailings. Therefore, perhaps the price of stamps will go down and we'll all be able to afford to send in the bill money we can't spare with a stamp we can afford.

At one time, I sent back prepaid envelopes with nothing in them just for fun, but this is better. I only wish it had been my idea entirely. Want more fun? You could try return to sender on any mail that is sent to you with an envelope and an address, but I don't know if that will work or not.

If direct mail marketers stop making money, then they will stop sending us their crap. Do the rest of the world a favor if you don't want to participate: At least don't accept the ‘unforgettable offer of the week.' Walk by the trash can in the post office and dump it all. While this would fix one problem I have with the world, there are others to tackle.

I have a friend who runs a local ISP (Internet Service Provider) and he has been waging war on SPAM (unsolicited emails). Those are also getting hard to handle. Here at the newspaper and at home, I get about 100 messages per day. Only about 30 of those are really for me or the newspaper. The rest are just junk mail — some of which are not suitable for all audiences. It is shocking sometimes what people will send. I just delete them all and hope folks will surrender, but it isn't easy to sort them all out.

Of course, email parallels regular mail in several ways: You get anthrax through the regular mail, viruses with funny names through emails; junk email is just as prolific as junk regular mail (or even more); and both are delivered daily to your home, with the exception of Sunday, when we don't get regular mail.

But there are differences. For instance, I don't get pornographic offers in my regular mail box. I wish I didn't get them in my email either. I don't get offers in my regular mail to get 10 million dollars from the king of Nairobi, either. I read recently that the email scam on getting secret funds from overseas was one of the most effective in history. I've never gotten one red cent, let alone untold millions, from a foreign or domestic government to deposit in my account. Maybe they've all seen how I operate my checkbook or something.

Get more tongue in cheek commentary this week's issue of the Alleghany News!

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