113th Year, 8th Issue Thursday, October 4, 2001 Sparta, North Carolina

REALITY CHECK

Of lazy chickens and cuddly rabbits

by Coby LaRue

The chickens are getting lazy.

I am beginning to think they are on a chicken strike of some kind, because egg production is way down right now.

I don't know if it really matters all that much or not in the overall scheme of things, but I am keeping an eye on those chickens.

I have tried a few things, like going by the coop singing those verses of "She'll be coming around the mountain," where it says we'll kill the old red rooster and we'll all have chicken and dumplings.

I guess it will soon be time to either hatch out some more eggs or order a batch of little chickens. Rhode Island Reds just don't like to sit on eggs, so I would need to save up several and incubate them in a box or something. I probably should have already done that this summer, but I either ate or gave away almost all of the eggs.

Perhaps my chicken intimidation campaign will prove fruitful in the coming weeks.

I have also made another move, separating three chickens off to themselves and putting the others with the rooster in the barn. I built a little fence enclosure and then put up a roosting pole and a straw nest.

However, the chickens refused to use the straw nest, apparently preferring a nice stack of 2x4s I had been saving for awhile. They were stacked up about five high above the floor, but the chickens still used them and got them rather messy.

So I made the stack lay flat on the floor in an attempt to send the chickens to higher ground. Instead, they just sat right on the floor on top of the boards.

Then I made a more bold move. I went in at night, picked up the chickens out of the floor and literally placed them on top of the roost. Every time I got one up there, it would fly down as soon as I went to fetch another one.

Finally, I figured out that I needed to get the rooster first and then the hens. Once I did it in that order, either through will or sheer determination, they all stayed up top where they were supposed to be. Now they are up there every time I go to check on them.

Chickens really are rather stupid animals. I guess people have bred them for the ability to lay more and larger eggs for so long that they tend to be rather ignorant. The first few people that tried raising chickens must have had a devil of a time.

When the first pens started being built, I would say that is when it was decided that all chickens would be stupid. Rather, all the smart chickens got away, leaving the others behind to do the best they could. Yup, all the smart little flying chickens went away, leaving the fat and stupid behind to make lunch for Captain Cave Man.

As for more current history, I still have a lot of work to get finished for the chickens before winter. I need to get a few more nest boxes built, close off the front of the barn and insulate and heat one area so the chickens don't freeze this winter. Once when I was a boy it got so cold that some of our chickens lost their legs and parts of their combs.

However, it proved somewhat beneficial in trying to catch them, as a one legged chicken doesn't run very well at all. Actually, they make a lot of circles. But that really has nothing to do with anything, unless of course I decide to have chicken and dumplings one Sunday.

For some reason I also decided to start raising rabbits again — meat rabbits that is. I saw some ideal meat stock the other day with white fur and big ears. They were adorable.

A friend asked me how I could kill such a beautiful and loveable animal.

"I'd say breaking its neck would be a real good way," I said, joking in a sick, off-hand kind of way. That didn't win me many points from animal lovers, I bet. I'm not all that bad. I love animals, too, but I rather think I prefer what they can become if they reach their utmost potential — to be part of my food chain. Where would we be without thick medium rare steaks, fresh farm-raised roasted chicken and rabbit, fresh eggs and squirrel gravy? (City people might not need to answer to all of those).

It will be hard to kill cute and fuzzy rabbits, especially after getting to know them. However, I think I will probably look in their little cages and see big and tender grilled roast wrapped in a genuine lapin coat, rather than cute little fuzzy critters. I guess it's all the way you look at it.

Get more tongue in cheek commentary this week's issue of the Alleghany News!

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